Off The Set Interviews
by Miu Youmi
Summary: Crazy whacked up questions and answers for and from our favorite Kung Fu Masters! Feel free to ask them ANY type of question you want! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello wonderful readers! I decided that since I love these kinds of stories, I should make one! Please enjoy this out right crazed answers from our favorite people from KFP. Hope you like it! Make sure to review on what kind of whacked up question you wanna ask them! **

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><p>Me: Hello everybody! Today, I've got the Dragon Warriors and the Furios Five with me to answer any questions given to them! Wether it be their love life, their jobs, their deepest secrets, their most terrifying fears; anything! First, let us all say our greetings.<p>

Tigress: Good afternoon. I'm Tigress. Pleasure to meet you.

Viper: Hello! How are you? I'm Viper.

Crane: Hi, I'm Crane. Nice to meet you.

Monkey: Hey. I'm Monkey.

Mantis: Hello ladies! I, am the man of your dreams, the one that'll love you for all eternity, the one that-

Me: The one that'll get crushed if you don't stop trying to hit on girls?

Mantis: *Gulp* Heh... I'm Mantis.

Me: Much better.

Po: Hi everybody! I'm Po, the Dragon Warrior! It's freakingly amazing kicking butts with everyone! Now, we get to be interviewed; off set! This is going to be AWESOME!

_(Tigress holds back a little chuckle)_

Me: Okay, first question goes to... Mantis. "**Mantis, from what I've read, you're a total pervert. Why is that?**"

Mantis: I'm not that perverted. Some people just say that I'm a hopeless romantic. Plus, I'm under people all the time..

Me:... I can see why... Okay then, Po, here's a queston for you, "**What's your greatest weakness?**"

Po: *Blushes* U-Umm... I kind of have two weaknesses...

Me: That's fine. What are they?

Po: *Blushes More* W-Well.. one of them is seeing my friends hurt. The other one is.. umm..seeing Tigress in a skirt or..somethingthathugsherbody.!

_(Everyone is quiet and don't know what to think)_

Po: Please don't kill me Tigress!

_(Tigress is blushing like a tomato, just as Po is)_

Me: Okay... Well, putting that aside, *cough* **Shifu, calm down!** *cough*

_(Shifu looks like he's ready to kill the panda)_

Monkey and Mantis: .. Bu..

Viper: Bu?

Monkey and Mantis: ...BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Crane: I always thuought his weakness was food..

Viper: Me too.

Me: Me three.. Ahem, anywho, this one goes out to Viper. "**Viper, what was your past** **like?**"

Viper: Oh, well, you see, my past was pretty simple. Always dancing, practicing, and I'd dance for my parents. Although, I would get teased once in a while for being a fang less viper. But I don't pay much mind to it anymore. Other than that, I had a pretty simple childhood.

Me: Cool. Wait, I don't mean about the teasing part of course, just that you had an awesome childhood. J-Just in case that needed clarification... Okay, Crane, this one's for you, and this one's pretty normal. "**Crane, why do you do calligraphy?**"

Crane: Well, I guess it's becuase it's pretty easy and it's somthing to do when Master Shifu might give us a break. Also, it comes in handy when writing letters sometimes.

Me: ...

Crane: What?

Me: ..Tried calligraphy once, and it was **not **an easy thing to do. Well, anyways, Monkey, this is for you. "**Where do you get all your cookies..?**"

Monkey: Easy. I get them at the village from that nice vixon who owns the bakery down the Valley. She's great at baking them, so I buy a lot of them. She also taught me how to make my own cookies.

Mantis: Is she young? She hitting on you?

Monkey: ... Yes, she's young. Technically the same age as me. *Blush* I don't think she's hitting on me.

_(Po, Mantis, and Crane pat his back and say: "Good luck bro." "I never knew you had it in you.." and "So that's where you get the cookies..")_

Me: ...OKAY! Tigress. This one's for you. **"Tigress... Why are you so... awesome at hiding your emotion? Trust me, I tried, but failed. Tell me, how do you do it?"**

Tigress: ...Well, grow up as an orphan, destroy everything you touch, be called a monster all through your life, cry in silence where nobody can see or hear you, get adopted to someone who never shows you how much he actually cares, is proud, and loves you, punch iron wood trees for twenty years, never show weakness to any one, never feel love and give love, train every single day for two decades, get a broken rib, limbed leg, and bleeding knuckles and not complain, stay isolated in a place where you train to no end, and... that's about it. Technically, walk in my shoes and live my life and you'll know how.

_(Complete utter silence)_

Tigress: What?

Me: Umm.. okay. Wow. Well, that's all for today folks, review and feel free to ask any kind of question! See you next time! Bye!


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello and Welcome back to "Off The Set Interviews!" I really appreciate the reviews you all have given me. Enjoy this second chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine.**

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><p>Me: Welcome back everybody! Thanks for the awesome reviews and I hope this one will be more... Comical. *Evil grin*<p>

Everybody: ...I have a very bad feeling...

Me: Okay, Po. This one's for you, from **travelg**. **"Do you have a crush on Tigress?"**

Po: ...

_(Director of the show -aka me- whispers to Viper to lead Tigress outside)_

Viper: Tigress, would you mind if you come outside with me?

Tigress: Um sure..

_(As the girls walk out, Po sighs in relief)_

Po: Okay. Truthfully, yes. I..do have a crush on Tigress.

Crane, Monkey, and Mantis: ...

Po: What?

_(Viper and Tigress come back)_

Tigress: That was pointless.

Viper: But it's true isn't it?

Tigress: *Blush* W-Well...*Sigh* I can't believe you did that just so I would admit... that.

_(Everyone else except Viper and Tigress are confused)_

Viper and Tigress: What? Oh. Sorry.

Me: okay.. Though I didn't hear what you said, I bet the "secret" spy cameras know. Heeheeeheee...

Tigress: If you-!

_(Already watching the video by myself in a little corner)_

Me: Hahahahahahaha! Aww! The little kitty has a-

_(Tigress has a vien popping in her temples)_

Tigress: Call me kitty again, and I swear...

Me: ...o.O..OKAY! Next question! Also from **travelg.** **"Mantis, how come in Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness you were willing to marry someone of your own species knowing you will get your head bitten off?"**

Mantis: ...Good question. Answer this. Why wouldn't you want to marry a super hot chick? Even if it did meant getting my head bitten off! I mean dude, again, hot.

Me: ...

Everyone else: ...

Me: Okay then... Tigress! Last one from **travelg**. "**What do you do in your spare time when you're not training or fighting bandits?**"

Tigress: Well, I-

Viper: She stares at Po.

Tigress: ...I DON **NOT!**

Viper: Denial~

Tigress:YOU ARE SO DEAD AFTER THIS VIPER!

Viper: I can't hear you over all your denials~

Tigress: ... I'm. Going. To. **Kill**. You.

Me: So you're saying you do?

Mantis: She probably also daydreams of him...

Monkey: Yup..

Tigress: ...I hate you all.

Me: Well, we still love you! Now, answer the question please.

Tigress: Well, before these idiots interupted me, I was going to say, I write or study more information about past masters of Kung Fu. Other than that, I read or just meditate.

Me: ...You sure?

_(Tigress glares at me)_

Tigress: Deffinately. Sure.

Me: ...Okay. If you're sure, then what's up with these drawing of you and Po?

_(Shows the cast the amazingly drawn pictures of her and Po)_

Tigress: ...YOU WENT INTO MY ROOM! GIVE ME THOSE! *Blushing*

Me: *Giggles* Oh sweet, sweet revenge.

Everyone except Tigress: ...

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA! I love being the host! Okay, next question is from **Atnight1**. This one is for Shifu! **"Did you know what had happened to the pandas? I mean, somebody must have brought it up... And if so, why didn't you tell Po about his origins?"**

Shifu: My, I actually have heard about what happened. I've heard it from someone in a farthern maybe North of China near Po's Panda Village. It was from some sort of... bunny ma'am and I have unexpectidly heard about it. Well, the main reason why I did not tell my students, especially Po, was because it was a little too late for me to warn him. Thus not being able to tell him about such a thing.

Me: ...Wow. So formal. Okay, good to know. Next is for Viper from.. me! **"Viper, do you still dance for your dad?**"

Viper: Why, yes. But he doesn't see it much. Though that's only because of the missions and stuff.

Me: Hmm.. .I'll have to talk to your father soon...

Everyone: Huh?

Me: Shoot, did I say that out loud? Meh. Whatever. Anywho, Crane, this one's from **UsagiBella**. **"Do you Quack?"**

Crane: ...

Everybody: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Crane: ...No.

Monkey: You sure?

Mantis: Yeah. Not even in private?

Crane: ...I'm deffinately sure.

Me: You guys lost the bet. HA! You owe me and Bells 120 Yuan each! Which is like.. 500 yuan*!

Monkey & Mantis: Dang it..

Me: Any who, lastly, Monkey. "**Do you love bananas more than cookies?**"

Monkey: ...No. I honestly like the cookies better than bananas. Though, I can ask her if she can bake me some banana cookies..

_(Monkey stares off into space thinking about the vixen.)_

Me: ...Well, that's all for today folks! Hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed typng this! See you in the next chapter! Bye!

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><p>*- Yuan is the currency of China. I decided that maybe Bella and I can go to china and buy some stuff.. :P Review and tell me what you think please! Bye!<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Me: Welcome back fantastic readers! Thank you for those awesome reviews and fantastic ideas and questions! This chapter will be a bit more.. Comical and maybe even romantic!

Everybody: ...

Me: What?

Tigress: *Sigh* Just get on with it.

Me: ...Okay. This one's from **UsagiBella,** for Po. **"What are your thoughts about Tigress?"**

Po: Well, she's freaking AWESOME at Kung Fu, totally hot, _graceful_ when training, has the most _gorgeous_ smile, is the most **_beautiful_** woman in all of China, has the _sweetest_ laughs, has the voice of a the most _soothing_ song, like a _freaking Goddess_, and an absolutely _amazing_ friend!

Tigress: ...*Blushing*

Everyone else: Awww!

Po: What?

_(Crane, Monkey, Viper, and Mantis slaps their forehead and sighs)_

Me: Is he always this dense?

_(Everyone except Po nods their heads)_

Po: Hey!

Me: *Sigh* Moving on, from **UsagiBella** to Mantis. **"How many women have you met?"**

Mantis: Well, I have met a lot of women. Butterflies, catterpillars, some of my own kind, garden snakes, bees, spiders, lots! Oh how sad I only get to choose one of them to be my girlfriend.

Me: ...Next question from **UsagiBella** to Monkey. **"How mad do you get when someone eats your cookies?"**

Monkey: Well, I- **WAIT**. SOMEONE'S BEEN EATING MY COOKIES!

Po: ..*Gulp*

_(Everyone watches as Po walks away from everybody very slowly..)_

Monkey: PO!

_(Monkey chases Po out of the set)_

Me: They always like this?

Tigress: Believe me, you have no idea...

Viper: *Sigh* Boys.. Honestly.

Me: Agreed. Anywho, next one is from **Furdonkadonk** for Crane. **"Why do you love your hat?"**

Crane: I don't love my hat. I just wear it all the time. Not neccesserily meaning I love it. I just wear it because well.. It just fits me I guess.

_(Monkey and Po come back looking as if they have been burnt in a few places here and there)_

Everyone: ...

Me: Mkay. Next question from **Furdonkadonk** to Tigress.** "Do you often play with your tail?"**

Tigress: ..What the-?

Everyone: ...HAHAHAHAHA!

Tigress: No I most deffinately do not play with my tail!

Me: You sure?

Tigress: ...You hate me don't you?

Me: Meh. More like I love teasing you. Okay, next one from **Furdonkadonk** for Po. **"Does Tigress ever use your soft belly as a bed?"**

Po: Uhh.. No. No she hasn't. Well, not that I know of...

Tigress: *Blush*..

Everyone else except Po and Tigress: Wait.. Have you?

Tigress: NO! *Blush*

Me: ...I think you're lying. I can see your blush through your fur...

Tigress: I'm not blushing!

Viper: ... So are you thinking of using Po as a bed?

Tigress: ... Maybe...

_(Everyone's silent and Po's face is as red as Tigress' vest)_

Me: ...Next question from **Furdonkadonk** for Shifu. **"What's your favorite kind of tea?"**

Shifu: Well, I'm not picky about my tea, so I would say Green Leaf Tea or Herbal tea.

Me: Ugh. Tea. Next question from **Furdonkadonk** for Mantis. **"I dare you to kiss Monkey."**

Mantis: Wait? WHAT! I thuoght this was an interview! Not some sort of truth or dare T.V. show!

Me: Meh. The people want to read what the people want to read. Now, go do.. whatever. But don't do it here, I don't like seeing Yaoi*!

Mantis: I hate all of you...

Monkey: Try and kiss me, and you'll see what I'll do..

_(Monkey's holding ropes and a tiny cage for Mantis)_

Mantis : *Gulp* Shoot...

Me: Well, we'll catch up to them later. For now, here's another one from **Furdonkadonk** for Viper. **"Do you eat mice?"**

Viper: Umm.. No. No I do not eat mice... That's a bit gross and I don't think I'll ever want to eat one..

Me: Yuck.. Anywho.. That's all folks. Hope you enjoyed this! Bye!

Mumbles to self: I swear if Monkey kills Mantis... If Mantis kisses Monkey...Gonna get it! Yaoi..Yuck! Perverted freaking... Perverted little...!

**(Goes backstage and grabs any kind of deadly weapon you can think of)**

Still mumbling to self: Little... Stupid.. UGH! I need them to be here!

Everyone: ...o.O...Uhhh.. Bye everybody!

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><p><strong>*- Yaoi is boy love...<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello! I know, I update pretty fast huh? I actually feel a bit guilty writing this since it's really fast and stuff. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Everybody knows it...**

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><p>Me: Welcome back awesome people! This is the fourth chapter of the interview and the questions just keep on coming! Thank you amazing people!<p>

Tigress: Welcome back.

Viper: Hello again!

Crane: Nice to meet you. Again.

Monkey: Yo!

Mantis: Hello ladies!

Po: Hey again everybody!

Me: Nice greetings.. Any who-

Po: Hey what happened earlier after you left the stage?

Viper: Yeah. We heard screaming.

Tigress: We also heard bones cracking and whipping sounds...

Crane: Sounded painful.

Shifu: Please tell me you didn't...

Me: ... Yeah. I did. I pretty much beat the living day lights out of them and such, with my wicked Kung Fu moves!

Po: Who taught you Kung Fu?

Crane: The guys barely look beaten...

Me: One, I taught Kung Fu myself with the help of books and the internet and some friends. Two, I fixed the injuries 'cause I need them to freaking be here. People still want to qestion everyone. If there's no Monkey or Mantis, then that wouldn't be everyone. Enough chit-chat, let's get on with the questions and answers! From.. **Pie**, for Po. **"Why are you so awesomely cute and sexy?"**

Everyone: O_O...

Po: ...Umm... thank you...? Uhh... guess it's because I'm a panda? Y'know. Being.. um.. fluffy and all...

Me: Wow.. Awkward.. Okay.. Next from **Pie** for Viper. **"Are you a vegetarian?"**

Viper: Uhh.. More or less. Considering I don't have fangs, I can't yet can eat meat. I choose not to eat meat though. So.. I guess you can say so.

Me: Cool. Last question from **Pie** for Tigress. **"Do you think Po is sexy?"**

Everyone except Po, Shifu, and Tigress: ...AHAHAHAHA!

Tigress: ... No.

Me: I bet you do.

Tigress: ...No.

Me: You sure?

Tigress: ..Yes.

Me: So you do think Po's sexy?

Tigress: NO! I meant that yes I'm sure that I don't think Po's sexy!

Everyone but Po: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Po: ...This is kinda awkward...

Me: No, it's funny! Ahem, anywho, next one from **Randomness** to Monkey. **"Have you ever thought of yourself getting neutered?"**

Monkey: ...No. No I haven't and I don't think I will...

Me: .. Awkward questions but quite funny. Next one from **Randomeness** to Shifu. **"****Has Po ever embarrassed you so badly that you wanted to make him train so badly until he can't move?"**

Shifu: Actually, yes. But of course, since he is the Dragon Warrior, I couldn't train him too hard. Next time he tries that, he probably won't be able to move until next week...

Me: ...Wow. Try not to embarras him next time ok Po? Next from **Randomness** for Mantis. **"Has Po ever sat on you?"**

Po: ...Are these questions trying to embarrass me?

Mantis: Actually, yes. He has. Of course for revenge, I accupunctured him in his sleep and he was paralized until someone took them out. Funny thing is, that was the day after the huge embarrassment and Master Shifu kicked Po out of the Palace, making Po land on his face.

_(Everyone except Tigress and Master Shifu break into laughter)_

Me: Hah. Next- ahem. Next one from **Randomness** to Po. **"Do you often sing and dance in your underwear? And do you have nosebleeds when you think of Tigress?"**

_(Everyone burst into laughter again except Tigress, Po, and Shifu. Again.)_

Po: ...No. No I do not dance or sing in my underwear. At all. And no. No I do not get noosebleeds when I think about Tigress...

Me: ...HAHAHAHAHA! Oh, a-ahem. *Cough* Okay, next, from **Randomness** to Tigress. **"Do you want a piece of pie?"**

Tigress: Uhh... No thank you...

Me: ...Next one for Crane from.. me! **"Do you ever 'Ka-Kaw?'"**

Crane: ...No. No I do not "Ka-Kaw"...

_(Everyone except Tigress, Shifu, and Crane break into laughter once again.)_

Me: Phew! Well, that's all folks! Hope you liked it! See you next time!

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><p><strong>P.S. I meant to update this yesterday. Sorry if the top confused you...<strong>


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